My Favorite Mistake

"Every mistake has a purpose. I had to make all those mistakes to arrive at this one".

The lesson I am trying to learn at the moment is how to not try and fill the void in my life with random men. I have never been one to be in a relationship...not really. I usually have admired my crushes from the side. Referred to as their "best friend". Anytime it starts to become something more than friends men don't tend to stick around.

I find myself wondering if my dead people were still alive would I be doing this dating rando's thing? I think I am searching for someone to tell me they are proud of me and want to cancel plans with other people just to sit and talk to me for hours. I want someone to WANT me not need me. Someone who will make me a priority. Someone who will love me unconditionally. I know I am lucky to have felt that kind of love at all. It feels almost greedy to want it again, but I do.

I have been looking. But you see the problem with looking is that you never seem to find what you seek until you stop. Especially when it comes to online dating. Which I have been doing a lot of lately. I know that there are fairy-tale loves that have grown from an online dating beginning. My brother and his wife have built a beautiful life together thanks to Match.com. Unfortunately this is not the standard.

The standard mantra of the online dating world seems to be, "you can be whoever you want to be on the internet". You never really get to know anyone. Being held at arms length is the new chivalry. If you do "get to know" someone you will soon find out that they are big fat liars who make up car accidents and then ghost you because they are embarrassed that they underestimated your intelligence and they got busted.

I am actually thankful I got played so hard by that guy. He set a new standard of what I want in a man. He also taught me to be careful. People are not always about being honest and they really can be anyone they want online. I don't want to sound paranoid, but don't trust 'em. Just don't. Not until they give you a reason to.

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